Living Impaired?

I stomp into the throne room of Heaven and throw myself down on the steps below his feet.

“Hi Sue. You are upset. What’s wrong? Come. Sit beside me. Let’s talk,” he says and reaches to help me up the stairs. I see only love and care in his eyes and feel safe to voice my grievance.

I snuggle beside him and hand him a picture of my aunt. When I visit the throne room, I take a picture along to be sure we’re talking about the same person. He gazes at her, and I see the same love on his face as when he looks at me.

“So, tell me. What did she do now?”

“Lord, I’m so angry! She’s threatening to give away family heirlooms if we don’t do what she wants. She wants things that aren’t good for her or anyone else. She’s lying to me again and telling me that family members have said things I know they didn’t say. She’s a paranoid schizophrenic, but she takes her medications. Why does she hurt us over and over?”

“Let me ask you something. If she said what she did and she was deaf, would you be this upset?”

“No, I’d think perhaps it was because she couldn’t hear and didn’t understand.”

“If she said or did these things because she had a brain tumor, would you be angry?”

“No, because her brain isn’t working right.”

“Sue, she’s living impaired. The way her brain functions, she’s incapable of loving like many people can. She can’t love you or others the way you want to be loved. She lashes out because she’s afraid everyone will turn their backs on her. Many already have. She hurts you to get the pain over-with now, to drive you away while she’s not as vulnerable.”

“What should I do?”

“You have a choice to make. You can decide to love her no matter what, even though she can’t love you back. Or you can abandon her just as she believes you will.”

“Lord, I wish I could love her no matter what, but I don’t think I can.”

“I’ll help you, and I’ll help her.”

After my prayer time, I called my aunt and told her that it did not matter what she said or did—I would still love her. “I’m coming to visit you on Friday.”

She gasped. “Oh. Okay. I’ll see you Friday.”

Did she change? Not much at first, but the stunts and tirades became less as I visited regularly. The change was mostly in me; the anger was gone. I learned a great deal from loving her no matter what. At some point, I realized that at times I’m living impaired too. A person with a mental health issue is not always living impaired, but we all have areas of impairment.

I cry aloud to the LORD; I lift up my voice for mercy. I pour out my complaint before him; before him I tell my trouble.
(Psalm 142:1-2 NIV)

Susan Boltz